Monday, January 28, 2008

9 to 5 to 9

Career woman by day; Party girl by night. Today's modern woman has a lot of roles to play. For the LMB woman, the transition is not easy. By twilight, she is also Miss Jane Hammer, the hard-boiled private eye with a heart of gold. Clad in a trenchcoat and standard-issue fedora, she stalks unwary mortgage payment defaulters and makes them pay up. She's got brass knuckles and she ain't afraid to use them.

But Who could Miss Hammer be? An alert reader of the blog has pointed out her resemblance to the ex-wife of Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson. This is so much of a specific connection that the writer believes the commenter has way too much time on his/her hands and refuses to google for pictures of the aforementioned ex-wife.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Season's Greetings!

All right, it's not really LMB, but the spirit of LMB is all over this one, from the ludicrous graduation timeframe to the oh-so-pretty dancing moves.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Domo Arigato, Mr.Asimo

Robots used to be be pretty bad when it came to dancing. They were so bad, they even had a dance style named after them. However, gone are the days of mechanical arm-jerking and torque-driven hip swiveling.

There's a new robo-sheriff in town and he's got his own law -- the sixth law of robotics: 'A robot shall allow a human being to 'get served' as many times as required, in the event of a dance-off'. LMB introduces a new robot designed to put the funk in 'functional automaton'.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Never mind Nirvana

Aummm.... Let the healing aura of rate quotes wash over your senses. Feel the credit cycle, as immutable and recurring as the waves of the ocean, caress your body. Your mind is maya, and the illusion can only be transcended by the contemplation of mortgage ads.

Your credit score and your karma are entwined as copulating serpents. To free yourself from both, you will need to refinance your home with LMB and follow a life of ascetic severity. One follows the other, and it is your destiny to find out which comes first.

Monday, September 10, 2007

2007 - A Space Tragedy

'Greetings from Narblok! My alter-gender associate and I have travelled through Sector Psi-Gamma of Space to deliver infinite knowledge and eternal serenity to your primitive earthling species. Our megalocephalic heads contain the combined wisdom of all the Universe, ready to be delivered to the most evolved specimens in your race.

Halt! Why are you pointing your tricorder-like device at us and capturing our likenesses? What strange purpose might you have to replicate our images on a million hyper-web portals and message-repositories? Why are your associates snickering at us?

Hu-man, we return to Narblok. We shall reappear when the cosmic phenomenon you call 'Mortgage Rates' are no longer falling. May your species suffer ten thousand more years of strife and debt for your impudence!'

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Sideward Spiral

Not noticing too many LMB ads lately? Do you get the feeling that the empty void in your life left by LMB's missing ads is being usurped by classmate and credit-quote companies? Fear not, gentle reader, there is an explanation for these aberrations. Brad Stone writes again of the trials and tribulations of our beloved home refinancer.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Area 54

These subterranean homesick aliens drive their blues away by shaking their moneymakers all night long at the dance floor famed for its debauchery all through the Milky Way. Only those on the A-list can get into this party (note: this includes pretty much any and all aliens).

If your wheels are anything less than a 14-valve plasma drive with 22-inch osmium rims, forget about crashing this venue. Situated in an unspecified UFO hangar somewhere in Roswell, this club's location is even more secret than its counterpart 'laboratory' close by. And if you have to ask where it is, you probably can't get in.